The Dr. Diva Days Of Our Lives

I am so thankful for the friends in my life. In particular, I am glad to know these women, the Dissertation Divas.

I mentioned them in this post a while back. 

 

From left to right, Dr. Langham (me), Dr. Carter, Dr. Greer, Dr. Searby (our mentor), and Dr. Zimmerman-Brown.

We all saw each other through the absolute most difficult years of our lives both personally and academically. Amazingly, the four of us, under the leadership of our Dr. Diva mentor, were able to graduate together a whole year early with our Ph.D.s while also working full-time. That is a VERY rare accomplishment.

We have not all been together since just after our commencement ceremony in December 2013. About that time, I moved to Auburn, AL to accept a new position at Auburn University. Our mentor, Dr. Searby, also took a job at AU.

Luckily, we were able to enjoy some time together this weekend. It was so fun to catch up with each other. The three Divas still living in Birmingham, AL came down to Auburn for a Diva weekend. We ate delicious food at Acre and Ma Fia's, drank good wine and yummy cocktails, shopped, and enjoyed special fellowship. It was a fantastic weekend!

Our toast at dinner on Friday sure was so much sweeter than the toast I wrote about in this post from when we were still in school. It is glorious to be finished!!!

 

Earning our doctorates together was truly a bonding experience. It was such a special time to be with friends who can commiserate with one another about such a challenging time.

We had a blast! Thanks for a great weekend, ladies!

 

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We've Moved

Like I mentioned in my last post, a great deal has changed for Judd and me over the last few months. One major change is that we just moved from Birmingham, Alabama to Auburn, Alabama.

I wish I could share that we are settled and unpacked. Instead, I'll share how things really look. YIKES! We'll get there....eventually.

101 List Update–Ph.D. Related Goals

(Note: this was written months before it was published due to technological difficulties)

Gosh, things have been busy around here.  Busy is not always a bad thing.  While we have had a significant amount of work and school tasks to attend to since my last few posts, we have managed to have a good bit of fun during that time as well.

The next few posts I write will be an attempt to recap our spring , summer, and fall 2012.  I’ll use my list of 101 things to do in 1,001 days as a way to organize these posts.  This post might shed some light on why I haven’t been an active blogger lately.

You may recall one of the posts I wrote last spring about feeling overwhelmed with my Ph.D. studies.  This post can serve as an update to that one.  Over the last few months I have been able to cross off a few items related to my dissertation study for my doctorate (see the numbered items below).  At the time this was originally written, I wasn’t in the clear yet.  I still had a long way to go; however, I had overcome a few major hurdles. 

I took these pictures on my phone just after I returned to my office from my prospectus meeting with my dissertation committee.  I was kind of amazed when I realized I had a draft of a real dissertation and that I had just successfully defended my dissertation prospectus.  I am following in my Dr. Mom’s footsteps.  I keep a copy of her dissertation in my office to use as a resource.  I am so proud to be accomplishing this Ph.D. goal.  I hope I have made my mom and my Grandmother Braden (my mom’s mom and my only living grandparent) very proud!

Below is a list of accomplished Ph.D. related goals.

4. Find a theory to use as my conceptual framework for my dissertation

5. Determine appropriate variables to analyze for my dissertation

6. Select a statistical method to analyze data for my dissertation

7. Have my prospectus meeting for my Ph.D.

You may remember that I have a group of friends who also work at UAB and who are experiencing this Ph.D. journey with me – The Dissertation Divas.  These three women and I are all seeking our doctorates. One of the dissertation divas, Jennifer, very thoughtfully brought me a card to wish me congratulations on a successful prospectus meeting.  Thanks, Jennifer!  We did it!

8. Have my proposal (3 chapter) meeting for my Ph.D.

9. Take/pass my Ph.D. comprehensive exam

10. Get Institutional Review Board (IRB) approval

The other divas and I managed to accomplish all of these goals around the same time.  We treated ourselves to a lunch together and had a sweet tea toast to our accomplishments.

To date, I have completed all of my dissertation coursework (with a 4.0 GPA whoop whoop!), reached the goals stated above, and will soon begin collecting the data for my dissertation research!!!

-------------------------------------------------

(Since I couldn’t publish this post back when it was originally written early last summer, I have added all following school updates below.)

These things were also achieved.

11. Collect data for my dissertation

12. Analyze data for my dissertation

13. Write Chapter 4 of my dissertation

14. Write Chapter 5 of my dissertation

15. Have my private Ph.D. defense with my committee

16. Have my public Ph.D. defense with my committee

17. Graduate with my Ph.D. in Educational Leadership (higher education administration)!!!!!!!!!!!

18. Have my dissertation printed and bound and my Ph.D. degree framed

19. While I am still in school, use each lunch hour to work on some aspect of my dissertation

The Rocky Road Towards A Dissertation Prospectus

I have pretty much spent every night that I don’t have class and every single Saturday and Sunday for about the past two months preparing for and writing my dissertation prospectus.  It is disgusting to me at this point how little I really have to show for all of that time and effort.  So much of it was spent collecting literature and organizing my thoughts…and not actually writing.  I am sure that it wasn’t time wasted; however, it feels like I should have more of a complete product than I actually have.  I feel like I should be much further ahead with the output (writing) than I am now.  I’ve included pictures of the current state of my office to help portray my life at this particular moment in time.  Hopefully, if you have been following the blog for a while you will know that I am usually a fairly organized and neat person. 

I am pretty sure that I am to the point where people are going to stop popping in my office to visit or stop asking how my day/weekend was for fear that I might actually answer them or for fear that they may incur bodily harm from tripping over a stack of paper on my floor.  To corroborate this notion let me tell you about something that happened last week.  I had a total come apart last week complete with crocodile tears (while at my full-time job) about the fact that I probably was not going to meet a deadline for my writing that I had set for myself.  It was TOTALLY EMBARASSING.  I was crying so uncontrollably that I had to shut my door because there was no way to regain my composure at that point.  Of course the whole time the meltdown was happening I was feeling even more guilty and ashamed for not being able to “handle” the situation.  I couldn’t help but think, “Ok, here I am with two degrees in administration, yet this is how I choose to react to a stressful situation. GREAT! (cue sarcasm).”  I was crying so hard that the student assistants who work in our suite were ready to tear down the door to make sure I was ok.  Again, GREAT! (cue an even heavier sarcastic tone).  Seriously, why I am making this process so hard on myself?  Or, am I even doing that?  Is this what getting a Ph.D. is supposed to feel like? 

I am exhausted.  I know I have said that before on the blog.  I mean it now and I meant it then too.  I realized last week that I will have spent longer working on my Ph.D than I did on my entire bachelor’s degree.  I finished my undergraduate work in three years (9 full continuous semesters).  I have already had 9 full non-stop semesters in my doctoral program and have approximately 2 or 3 more to go if I am lucky.  It could be even longer than that if I can’t get my writing together.  I feel like a broken record by saying this; but I am going to say it anyway.  I am working full-time (8-5), taking three classes, and trying to write the prospectus for my dissertation.  I guess I should be tired but I don’t feel like I should.  I feel like I am drowning and should instead be able to keep all of the balls I am juggling in the air.  I feel like I should be able to keep up with the pace of this life that I have CHOSEN!

Currently, I feel completely stressed, out of shape, pre-maturely aged, unkempt, disorganized, worried, nauseous, and depleted.  I have even had some shortness of breath issues here lately.  Gosh, Abby, get a grip.  I am way too stubborn to give up.  I know deep down inside that I will eventually finish this degree.  But, geez-Louise and H-E-Double-Hockey-Sticks this has been one hellacious obstacle to overcome.  Don’t worry folks I blog to vent.  I promise I am not on the verge of “jumping.”  I am just FRUSTRATED as all get out.  Worst of all, I am frustrated and disappointed in myself.  There is no one to blame for my lack of progress but me.

I looked around my office during my total and complete breakdown and was part disgusted and part amused by the fact that I have allowed myself to be so visibly unhinged.   What you are seeing is my real office at my real full-time, grown-up person, university job.  Good grief, what is wrong with me?

My colleagues have all been so sweet and supportive (although I feel confident that deep down they are wondering what in the world is wrong with me).  I wish I could just get a grip.  I am trying.  I’ve put on my big girl pants and continued pushing ahead despite the fact that my brain and spirit are fighting as every single word or thought is typed.

Well, I guess that pretty much sums it up.  That is where I am at this particular moment.  I know that God gives us all obstacles to overcome and that He often reminds us that we are not the ones in ultimate control over our lives.  I chose this path for my life and must live with the consequences and trials that come with it.  I understand that there are so many more difficult problems to face in the world than the one I am experiencing.  I am so fortunate in the grand scheme of things.  Despite my truly Debbie Downer perspective I have not forgotten that I have a husband, family and friends (and faithful blog readers) who love, encourage, and support me.  I know I wouldn’t have even made it this far without them (you).  I also know that I will be so proud when this ordeal is over and that I will probably look back on these times and laugh.  I am just not there yet.

I Can’t Get No…Diss-er-ta-tion

I hope you folks have figured out that when my blog gets to the point where I am writing like a third grader about the Westminster Dog Show (of which I didn’t even get to watch in entirety) that I must be at a breaking point.  Yeah, sorry about that last post.  I was even embarrassed as I was publishing it.  I am (and have been for about the last month) totally consumed with attempting to plan and write my Ph.D. dissertation prospectus.  I am hoping to have something to show my committee approximately two weeks prior to my prospectus meeting date of March 19th.  Do the math.  That is REALLY soon.  I am starting to panic.  At this point, I really don’t have anything that I am proud to present at the meeting.  If you have some room on your prayer list, please add me to it.  I am getting so tired and frustrated.

If you don’t know, the prospectus is the first “mini” draft of the first three dissertation chapters. It is usually about 20-30 pages.  If my prospectus is approved, then I can begin preparing for and writing my official proposal (the first full draft of Chapters 1, 2, and 3), take my comps, apply for IRB approval, set my proposal meeting date, and apply for admission to candidacy.  Once I achieve candidacy status and get IRB approval I will be allowed to start my data collection for chapters 4 and 5.  I am hoping that I can do all of that this semester (or at least the 8 weeks of it that are left).  Keep in mind that I am still taking three classes and working full-time.

So, that is where I am at the moment.  This arrived in my in-box last week.  It was an attempt to bring some humor to the situation that my fellow Dissertation Divas and I find ourselves in right now.  If you are a doctoral student in the early dissertation phase or if you know a doctoral student experiencing this or if you know one who has experienced this then you might find the video below funny (and sad), too.  Pay close attention to the words.  The lyrics are pretty clever and depict my feelings at the moment.  At least, by the looks of this video, I am not the only person who has ever felt this way at this point in the process.

I find myself particularly relating to the “I don’t have a prospectus and I think they are starting to suspect this” line.

Source: You Tube - (I Can't Write) No Dissertation -Metrics Gang

101 Things To Do In 1,001 Days

I am a natural list maker, organizer, and planner.  I’ve literally been this way for as long as I can remember.  My mother tells a story about how I alphabetized our refrigerator when I was about three or four years old.  I have continued along this list making path for all milestones, goals, dreams, events, and plans for my life ranging from planning my childhood birthday parties, listing what characteristics I hoped to find in a husband (it must have been fate that Judd met all of the items on the list when I compared him to it years after making it), planning our wedding, etc. 

Due to my list making nature it seems only natural to join my friends and family by partaking in the 101 list fun.  I believe the concept of creating a list of 101 things to accomplish in 1,001 days was originally derived by the Day Zero Project as a way to encourage people to live their lives now  instead of putting things off and to help them to meet their goals.  I think it was started as a way for an online community of people to make their lists public and hold each other accountable.  I didn’t feel the need to register my list with Day Zero because I am making it public here on The Langham Project to all of you lovely bloggy folks.  I look forward to sharing my progress and struggles with you.  This blogging community is really such a special thing. Mwwah! You guys rock.  I can’t wait to get started.

I first saw a 101 List on my friend Marcie’s blog and then on  my sister-in-law, Brenna’s, blog.  At the time that I first saw their lists I was intrigued by the concept.  I looked forward to watching their dreams and goals become realities; however, I was just starting the journey towards my Ph.D. in a four year program at the time and knew that with my school and work commitments that I would not be doing anything “extra” other than school or work for a couple of years.  I am still working on my Ph.D.  Although, now I am in the last semester of my coursework and quickly progressing towards the dissertation phase.  I am finally able to dream about a future 1,001 days (approximately 2 years and 7 months) that involves things I enjoy doing like spending time with my husband and family, taking up new hobbies, helping others, renewing myself spiritually, and becoming a happier person again.  I have learned so much from working on my Ph.D. full-time while also working full-time but it has been a constant drain (and still is) on me.  I am grateful for the opportunity to pursue this degree. I have just GOT to get out of school.  Obviously, a large part of my list consists of objectives to help me get there.

Judd and I always revisit our 10 year plan in January.  Does that make us weird?  Do any of you do that?  We have been doing so for the past four or five years.  I used our plan to help me pick some items for my 101 list.  I was a little hesitant to share all of the things included below at first.  Some just seem shallow, others too personal to share, and other list items I just wasn’t sure anyone but me would really care about.  However, since this list is for personal and public use I mustered up the courage to share it.  I do realize that there is an ultimate planner who already has my life mapped out and that I need to first put my trust in Him before all else.

How do those of you who have published 101 lists feel about the process?  What do those of you who do not have a list think about the whole concept?

I believe I have until Tuesday, October 28, 2014 to complete the tasks on my list.  The clock starts now (January 31, 2012).  Quick, cue the Jeopardy music.

(Update – I am striking through each goal as it is met.  Below you can see my progress so far.  I think I am doing pretty good.)

 

My 101 List

1. Purchase a new dress to wear to our FAB friend Susan's wedding

2. Attend/take lots of photos of our weekend in Seaside, FL for Susan's wedding

3. Attend/take lots of photos of our weekend in Mobile, AL for our friend Candice's wedding

4. Find a theory to use as my conceptual framework for my dissertation

5. Determine appropriate variables to analyze for my dissertation

6. Select a statistical method to analyze data for my dissertation

7. Have my prospectus meeting for my Ph.D.

8. Have my proposal (3 chapter) meeting for my Ph.D.

9. Take/pass my comprehensive exams

10. Get Institutional Review Board (IRB) approval

11. Collect data for my dissertation

12. Analyze data for my dissertation

13. Write chapter 4 of my dissertation

14. Write Chapter 5 of my dissertation

15. Have my private Ph.D. defense with my committee

16. Have my public Ph.D. defense

17. Graduate with my Ph.D. in Educational Leadership (higher education administration)

18. Have my dissertation printed and bound and my Ph.D. degree framed

19. While I am still in school, use each lunch hour to work on some aspect of my dissertation

20. After I graduate, resume lunch hour workouts in my office

21. Have a party to celebrate earning my Ph.D. and to honor my family and friends with their Ph.T. (the pushing her through degree)

22. Attain a position that requires a Ph.D. or terminal degree or one that is equivalent in pay and responsibility to a Ph.D. level position. (I think I need to say that I hope this can occur within the office where I work now.)

23. Attend Southern Association of Institutional Research (SAIR) Annual Conference in Orlando, FL. (Ask Judd to tag-along to go to Disney)

24. Save the full 20% of a down payment towards a house

25. Buy a house

26. Begin studying French with Judd

27. Travel to Europe with Judd

28. Travel with Judd to somewhere else in the U.S. besides Orlando that we've never been

29. Get a shellac (gel) manicure

30. Whiten my teeth (again)

31. Attend my high school reunion (Hoover High School, Hoover, AL - Class of 2002)

32. Launch our DIY printable invitation/stationary business (The Langham Project) on Etsy

33. Get The Langham Project (TLP) DIY Invitations/Stationary business approved with the Collegiate Licensing Company

34. Get our blog professionally designed (and potentially switched over to Wordpress if needed)

35. Offer advertising on our blog

36. Set up an email address for our TLP invitations/stationary business

37. Stop drinking dark soft drinks and stick to it

38. Get back to my high school weight and shape before having a baby (approximately 5 to 10 lbs. to lose)

39. Eat at home 5 nights in one week

40. Start a family

41. Have maternity pictures taken

42. Lose baby weight

43. Begin work on a book/article regarding the dissertation process with my peer group (The Divas)

44. Publish at least one journal article

45. Present my research at a professional conference

46. Read a book for pleasure (Not something that has anything to do with work or school)

47. Find a couples Sunday school class and attend regularly either at Shades Mountain Baptist or another church that is a better fit for us

48. Begin reading the Bible in a systematic way (so that eventually I read it from start to finish)

49. Help to organize a project with our church

50. Get life insurance

51. Get a Roth-IRA set up in my name

52. Sign up for the benefit of a flexible spending account with my employer

53. Get a new pair of eyeglasses

54. Take my mother on a Mom-and-Daughter trip

55. Take a photography class

56. Ask Judd to teach me how to use Photoshop and learn from him

57. Get a stylish camera bag

58. Purchase a sewing machine/embroidery machine

59. Ask Mom to teach me how to smock and learn from her

60. Sew a garment entirely on my own

61. Host a party at the Langham farm

62. Help my mother to update her kitchen

63. Help my mother to freshen up her front porch (new chair cushions, new door handle, paint front door, new door mat, new plants)

64. Help my mother-in-law to find bedding for the cabin at the Langham farm

65. Help my mother-in-law to find living room furniture for the cabin at the Langham farm

66. Help my in-law's to clean out the barn at the Langham farm

67. Help my father-in-law to clean out his shed and tear the old one down

68. Label, with my Grandmother's help, as many family photos as possible on my next visit to her house

69. Visit Grandmother and leave her with a week's worth of home cooked meals in her fridge/freezer

70. Visit Grandmother and leave her with a full tank of gas in her vehicle

71. Visit Grandmother and clean her whole house from top to bottom before I leave

72. Help my mother by spending an entire weekend deep cleaning her house

73. Print photos from previous travels/adventures: Judd's trip to Portugal

74. Print photos from previous travels/adventures: Charleston, SC

75. Print photos from previous travels/adventures: Boston, MA

76. Print photos from previous travels/adventures: New Orleans, LA

77. Print photos from previous travels/adventures: Our Master's graduations

78. Print photos from previous travels/adventures: Judd's two trips to Canada

79. Print photos from previous travels/adventures: Philadelphia, PA

80. Print photos from previous travels/adventures: Mardi Gras, Mobile, AL

81. Print photos from previous travels/adventures: Phoenix, AZ

82. Print photos from previous travels/adventures: Denver, CO

83. Print photos from our family's Christmas 2011

84. Make a scrapbook from our wedding that was in May of 2005 (Yeah, I know I am really late on that one)

85. Purchase a new sofa

86. Purchase bedding for our guest bedrooms

87. Make pickled okra using my Uncle Frank's recipe

88. Use the canning equipment my Uncle Frank gave me to can something

89. Find a vintage inspired office chair for our home office (preferably two chairs)

90. Take Judd ice skating since he's never been

91. Give blood

92. Go camping

93. Take a beach trip alone with Judd

94. Take a beach trip with just my FAB girlfriends

95. Take our important documents to our safe deposit box for storage

96. Frame paintings given to us by Judd's Aunt Willoweise (she is a famous watercolor artist)

97. Frame our Auburn University 2010 season football tickets (AU won the national championship that year--WAR EAGLE!)

98. Help Judd to study for and pass his last two licensure exams for professional practice as a landscape architect

99. Prepare a better way/place for us to recycle and throw away our trash

100. Add to our crystal stemware collection

101. Get a couples massage

 

I added a component to my list.  I wanted to include my general life goals.  Consider this my mission.  These are the things that really matter.  Hopefully, by achieving many of the list items above I will be closer to fulfilling the general goals I continually strive towards  and hope to achieve/maintain throughout my life.

 

General Life Goals:

·   Be a loving wife--be someone with whom Judd can continually find true companionship.

·   Be a mother who puts her children before herself. One who teaches by example.

·   Be a Christian example to my friends, family, and colleagues.

·   Be a gracious, thoughtful, and calm hostess/friend.

·   Be a leader in my professional/academic life--someone who is reliable, trustworthy, hardworking, dedicated, and capable.

And Another One Down…

Well, as you might have guessed from my prolonged blogging hiatus, I’ve been busy with school and work and Auburn football this fall.  I can finally attempt to catch up now that the semester is over.  Expect a few more posts this week and next.

So far I’ve managed to keep a 4.0 grade point average over the three year duration of this degree.  I had one with my Master’s too.  I hope I can continue that record for one more semester.  This spring (2012) will be my last semester of coursework.  I know that your GPA at this level doesn’t matter at all; however, it matters to me.  This coming spring will be VERY busy.  I will be taking three classes, writing my dissertation proposal (the first three chapters of my dissertation), taking  my comprehensive exams, getting institutional review board (IRB) approval, getting admitted to candidacy, and working full-time.  Wish me luck.

Then, starting in the summer I will be ‘all but dissertation’ (ABD) and will become a dissertation writing machine.  I am beyond EXHAUSTED from school.  I have never been so tired of anything in my entire life.  I cannot wait for this phase of my life to be over.  Because of my Ph.D. everything else in our lives feels like it is on hold.  I’m sure Judd can’t wait for me to be finished as well.

Sorry to post about school so much.  I know that it is not that fun to read about.  I prefer my decorating and craft posts too.  School is such a big part of my life right now.  I have a hard time doing anything without it being on my mind at the same time.

We did squeeze in a little fun this semester.  We attended many Auburn University football games this year.  We tailgated as usual at my in-law’s house in Auburn, AL.  I’m not sure if I’ve ever mentioned this on the blog but it is the same house that Judd and I rented when we first got married.  His parents bought it when we moved to Philadelphia, PA from Auburn after grad. school.

Here is one of the few pictures I managed to take during the season.  Judd bought me a new camera for Christmas so hopefully the frequency of our picture taking and our picture quality will improve.

I think this was Iron Bowl weekend.  These are some of my FABulous friends and their spouses.

(From left to right: The Myers, The Nichols, and The Langhams)

My Summer by the Numbers

Can you guess who submitted her last final paper for the semester today???

ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The end to this summer semester could not have come any sooner.  I. AM. EXHAUSTED.  The good news is I just simultaneously finished the last two statistics courses of my life.   Wow, that feels really good to say.  Of course, grades haven’t been posted yet, but I am hoping for the best.

I’ve missed keeping up with all you through the blogosphere.  To catch you up to speed on my life over this summer, here is a recap by the numbers.

Number of weeks in the semester: 12

Number of classes: 2

Number of graded assignments due over the 12 week semester: 69!!!

Yes, you read that correctly.

Number of pages of reading material: 1000s

Seriously, more than I can calculate.  Some weeks there were 300+ pages in addition to 3 or 4 graded assignments.

Number of statistics final exams: 1

Number of final papers due: 3

Number of pages for the first paper: 17

Number of pages for the second paper: 59

Number of pages for the third paper: 28

Number of jobs worked full-time while taking these two classes: 1

Number of blog posts written over the summer: 1 (wow, that is so pitiful.  Do you forgive me?)

Number of times tears were shed: I am embarrassed to comment on that one.

Number of days until fall classes begin: 13 (a.k.a. – not enough)

Ugh.

I read an article not too long ago in The Chronicle of Higher Education about how doctoral students often develop anxiety and paranoia complexes as a result of the constant pressure and judgment they face every day.  I whole heartedly agree with that claim.  To read the article click here.  It was pretty interesting.  Also, what the article describes is me in a nutshell at this particular point in time.

Also, the article mentioned this really great comic strip website for Ph.D. students.  I included an example below because it is really fitting for this stage of my life.  What this comic strip expresses is SO true.  For those of you who are experiencing this or have experienced it, does it make you want to laugh or cry because I am not sure?  Source: www.phdcomics.com

School Is Definitely Not Out For The Summer

Hello friends,

This is just a quick post to let you all know that I haven’t given up on blogging.  I love it.  I miss it.   Most importantly, I miss you.  It’s been three weeks since I last posted. 

Why haven’t I posted, you ask?

Here’s why. 

I’m simultaneously taking the two highest level research methods courses (a.k.a. statistics) offered in my program this summer while working full-time.  These courses have already caused tears to shed and have created hours spent reading, researching, writing, calculating, interpreting, and analyzing.  Frankly, I’m exhausted and it’s only June.  My classes started May 10.  Unfortunately, they last until the first or second week in August.

It’s going to be a long summer.    Please add me to your prayer list this summer.  I’ve come to the realization that I can’t do this on my own and without God’s help.  It seems as though I’ve tried that lately. 

I haven’t posted an update about my school progress in a long time.  This semester is the beginning of my third year in my Ph.D. program.  I plan to finish all of my courses, write my first three dissertation chapters, have my proposal meeting, take comps, and get admitted to candidacy this school year.

Once I am admitted to candidacy (which happens after passing comps) I will get IRB approval and will then be allowed to begin collecting data for my research.  It’s going to be an important and stressful year. 

I hope to spend the following year collecting data, interpreting data, and writing my results (i.e. finishing my dissertation).

If all goes according to plan I should be able to finish this nightmare degree in two years (this year and next).  Hopefully, I can have my dissertation public defense either spring of 2013 or summer of 2013.

Please don’t lose faith in my blogging capabilities.  I hope to post at least a few times over the summer.  Blogging is my stress reliever.  It is my time to think about fun things and pretty things and things that DON’T involve focus and concentration.

I sure wish this is what my professors mean when they tell us to study.

Dear Diary

Warning this post uses the blog as a diary of sorts. I'm exhausted and needed an avenue to vent. I will probably immediately regret posting any of this.

asdf

I don't usually write posts about my school work or my professional work. Our posts usually consists of pretty rooms and pictures, fun events we attended, and things going on with our families. I am breaking out of our norm today.

astg

I am so tired that I barely have the energy to type. Judd and I have been going at a pace of what feels like 100 miles an hour for weeks. He has been extremely busy with work. He has been traveling often. I have been extremely busy with work, school, and life in general. I am already hitting a breaking point and there is no end in sight for our busy schedule.

sdfg

Have you ever been so tired that you just want to cry? I don't mean to be a complainer. I recognize the irony in what I am posting and how it does not coincide with the scripture passage offered in my sidebar today. Forgive me. I know that my problems are trivial compared to the problems of others. For that I am grateful.

asdf

I know what I signed on for when deciding to pursue my Ph.D. while working full-time. I watched my mother go through the same process for years and she had us in tow the whole time. I know it can be done. I also know that it is not going to be easy.

zfg

I worked two jobs while getting my Master's full-time. You would think I would have it all figured out by now. Well, I don't.

zdfh

I feel like I am prematurely aging. I know, I know...I'm only 25 and that is young in the grand scheme of things. But I don't feel young. I feel tired, stressed, and depleted. I feel like other people my age don't have the same stresses on them. In fact, I am at least two decades behind everyone in my doctoral cohort age wise. This confirms my feeling about my peers. I sometimes wonder what I am doing there.

asdf

I just finished my final paper for my EDL 705 class. It was a management action plan for a strategic planning initiative in my office. It ended up being 42 pages long!!!!! I worked feverishly on it for weeks. That task alone would be manageable; however, I have had and still have multiple deadlines for things at work going on at the same time. You know, work, the job I get paid to perform. The one I have to keep. The one that is paying for my schooling. The one that is half of our livelihood. No pressure right???

SDf

Also, we have been traveling for and attending wedding parties every single weekend since March 27th. We love being able to share in the joy of our brothers' weddings. I truly wouldn't trade it for anything. The festivities have just added to our crazy schedule making everything a little more hectic.

sdg

There doesn't seem to be any end in sight. Although my final paper was due at midnight last night, I still have several major projects at work to complete within the next few weeks. For instance, I had a major report for student credit hours due to the Alabama Commission on Higher Education due Monday. I still have to complete two reports for UAB's Southern Association of Colleges and School's (SACS) accreditation. I have to finish and publish the university's Facts & Figures book. I have to complete a survey pertaining to graduate students from Peterson's and one additional survey. I have to compile planning profile notebooks for the Provost to distribute to the deans. I just feel like there are not enough hours in the day to finish it all.

SDfg

On top of that, my brother's rehearsal dinner is TOMORROW. His wedding is FRIDAY. Mother's Day is Sunday. How on earth am I going to be able to maintain my composure and energy for all of it since I have been going on very few hours of sleep for the past two weeks?

saDg

This post is just a rant. I can't seem to articulate the weight that is on my shoulders. I feel like I am juggling so many balls that I can't keep them all in the air.

asdg

Tonight when I get home I have to find the strength to clean our house from top to bottom because all of our extended family is coming in town for the wedding tomorrow. Some of them are staying with us and the others will be coming over for a visit. How am I going to manage it? I told Judd yesterday that my heart has been hurting for days and I've been having trouble breathing. I guess it is anxiety.

saDg

Someone (who will remain nameless) who doesn't work actually told me he was too busy to do something the other day. It was all I could do not to laugh in that person's face. The fatigue must really be getting to me. I have lost my compassion.

ADfg

I just want to escape it all but I know I can't. I also know if I did I would be really sad. We haven't even had a chance to think about the fact that our 5 year anniversary is the following weekend--May 14th. I wanted to take a quick trip or plan something fun. Instead, we'll probably just veg that weekend and rest our heavy eyelids

dfhj

Judd leaves for Mobile, AL for work the Monday following our anniversary. Wednesday of that week I'll drive down to Brewton by myself and meet him there for his brother's wedding since he'll be coming from the south and I'll be coming from the north.

sdg

I need a break. I can tell when I get to breaking point. I'm there. I've been there for a few days now. You would think that as the month of May comes to an end I should feel a wave of relief. I know I won't though. On June 1st I begin two of my summer classes. One of which is my next highest level of statistics. I'm scared about it.

adf

I know that being a type-A perfectionist doesn't help any of this. I know that some people would be able to just roll with the punches and not worry too much about any of it. I am just not wired that way. I set personal goals for myself. I always have. Every task I complete comes with an action plan or a to do list. If I don't reach those goals I am devastated.

sdg

The goals I have set for myself during this crazy time are: I have to maintain a 4.0 GPA. I've never made a B in graduate school. I am not about to start now. I have to exceed all expectations set for me at work. I have to maintain a happy and healthy marriage (this one is by far the most important). I have to maintain a lovely home and be a gracious hostess. I have to be the support that our brothers and their fiance's need during this busy and important time in their lives. I have to be the friend/colleague/wife/daughter/sister/granddaughter that other's need me to be. On top if it all, I'm expected to be pleasant and enthusiastic about it all.

zdfh

I know this post is just the plight of all women in general. We are expected to meet ridiculous standards. We are the planners, organizers, care takers, food providers, etc. for the world around us.

zdfhg

I recognize I am blessed to have a husband that helps with it all. If I didn't, I don't know how I could function. He makes even the darkest moments seem brighter. I recognize I am lucky to be employed. I recognize I am blessed to have the opportunity to attend graduate school. I recognize I am fortunate to have family. None of this is to say that I am not grateful for every amazing thing God has put in my life. I am so thankful for all of it. I know my usual optimism will return shortly. I am just tired and grumpy and needed to let it all out.

zdfh

I think I'll go home and spend lots of time in the bathroom tonight

...scrubbing toilets for our company that is.

Since I'll be in there for a while I might as well pretend I'm in this.

Source: Mary Evelyn McKee

sdg
Here's to dreaming right???

I survived

Well, I survived one more semester of my Ph.D. program. I just got my grades and I liked what I saw. :) I really needed this two week break from school for Christmas. It couldn't have gotten here soon enough. I just finished the following courses:

EDL 701
Organizational Leadership and Decision Making I

EDL 703
Theory/Practice Supervisory Leadership

EDL 724
Educational Leadership Seminar I

Can I get an Amen or a Hallelujah that these classes are over? ......AMEN ......Hallelujah!!!!

Now on to semester number 3. Counting this one coming up, only 10 more to go. Ugh.

Rome, GA-"Not to be ministered unto, but to minister"

This post is about a place very special to me. This place is Berry College in Rome, GA.

Many of you have probably seen this special place without realizing it because it has been the setting for many movies. Most recently, Sweet Home Alabama and Remember the Titans.

In Sweet Home Alabama the Carmichael Plantation is actually the founder's home, Oak Hill. In Remember the Titans, the place the team goes for football camp is actually the Ford Buildings at Berry College.

Oak Hill (Better known as the Carmichael Plantation)-Martha Berry's Home

The Ford Buildings, donated to Martha Berry for Berry College by Henry Ford


Reflecting pool in the courtyard of the Ford Buildings

My family has a long Berry tradition. My parents met here and are both alumni. My aunt and uncle as well as my grandmother also all graduated from Berry. Not to mention one of our family's close friends and former teachers, Evelyn Hoge Pendley who recently passed, was one of the last people who knew the founder, Ms. Martha Berry, personally. A building stands on campus with her family name-Hoge. See picture of the Hoge Building below.

Founder, Martha Berry

I grew up on this campus. Every time we visited my grandmother (which was often) we went to Berry. It is the largest campus in the world. It, in my opinion, is also one of the most beautiful. I have worked at an Ivy League school and have visited others and I can tell you that that they pale in comparison to the splendor that is Berry's campus. I am posting this today because I was thinking about how lovely it would be take take a fall foliage hike and tour around campus this October. I hope we get the chance. The beautiful fall photo below is of the original log cabin Martha Berry used to teach her first Appalachian students the Bible.

My grandmother, who I mentioned in a previous post, graduated from Berry at the age of 79 in the winter of 2003, used to get tutored for her French class from a Berry student who was also a hostess and tour guide of the founder's home--Oak Hill.

Grandmother (middle) on graduation day outside of the Ford Buildings with two professors

It took my grandmother 9 years to graduate so when she started, I was 10 years old. I used to accompany her to her tutoring sessions in the summer at Oak Hill. (The student helped grandmother when she wasn't giving tours). They would meet in the kitchen of the mansion and I would get to wonder the grounds of the home that I love so much. One day the curator's granddaughter, Molly, was there at the same time as me. Molly was allowed to venture behind the museum ropes and enter the historic rooms. I remember being shocked when she played the piano and even tried on some clothes that were in one of the closets upstairs. I had always revered this place and really enjoyed following Molly around the house as we played. I was too afraid to touch anything. I was a little older than her and understood the importance of the historic artifacts that surrounded us.



The fondest memory I have of this particular day at Oak Hill was when a group of people came to tour the home. The guide was busy with grandmother so Molly and I offered to give them a tour. Reflecting back on this now, I am not sure we ever went to get the guide and grandmother. I think we just decided leading the tour on our own would be best. I had heard the tour so many times from my own visits that I think I did pretty well. I told of the crystal ball at the base of the stair railing and how when the home was paid off a wooden ball was replaced with a crystal one. I told which bedrooms belonged to which Berry. I told about how Ms. Martha had the elevator installed once she was no longer able to climb the stairs. On a funny note, when giving the tour of the gardens, I told the group that the sundial in the middle no longer worked because I couldn't read the time. Ha.




Anyway, long story short, this is one of my most favorite places in the world. Although I truly love Auburn University, Berry holds a close second. They may even be tied.


Here is a brief summary of Berry History:
Martha Berry was very devoted to her father, and she rode horseback along with him into the nearby hills and mountain areas, visiting with poorer landowners and tenant farmers. Her father often assisted these families with their needs, and Martha developed a desire to help them also. She never married, choosing instead to make this desire her life's work.


In the late 1890s Martha met three young boys crossing the family's property near Oak Hill on a Sunday afternoon. She learned they did not go to school or Sunday school. They were not familiar with basic stories from the Bible, so she entertained them with some of these stories. She invited them to return the next Sunday with their brothers and sisters. Soon whole families filled a small log cabin that had been built years before near Oak Hill as a playhouse for the Berry children and later served as a quiet place for Martha to read, write, and contemplate. When the group overflowed the cabin (which still stands), she built a small whitewashed school building across the highway from Oak Hill on 83 acres of land given to her by her father. She also used an abandoned church a few miles away at Possum Trot, and two other facilities were located at Mount Alto and Foster's Bend. These four Sunday schools grew into day schools for the children.


Martha eventually concluded that, in order to have sufficient impact on the children, she needed to keep them at the schools rather than have them live at home. She had a dormitory built, and on Jan. 13, 1902, she opened the Boys' Industrial School with five boarding students on the land near her home. After the school was incorporated the next year with a board of trustees, she deeded the 83-acre tract to the corporation. This school later became known as the Mount Berry School for Boys, and on Thanksgiving Day 1909 she opened the Martha Berry School for Girls approximately a mile from the boys' school. These were high schools also offering lower-level studies in the early years. The Berry schools became models for vocational, agricultural and mechanical schools throughout the world by showing how the needs of people in poor rural areas could be met. Through her schools Berry blazed a trail for the establishment of an agricultural and mechanical school in each congressional district of Georgia.


In 1926 she established Berry Junior College, which in 1930 expanded into a four-year school. The high schools were closed in later years following Berry's death in 1942. The college has continued its founder's focus on providing students with a comprehensive education of the head, the heart and the hands. Her motto still endures: "Not to be ministered unto, but to minister."

Below are some pictures of campus. More information about the college can be found on the Berry website .

Below is the mill. It was built by students and the wheel is one of the largest in the world. My brother and I used to love to play here when we were little. I still enjoy visiting it today.

These are two more pictures of Oak Hill.

This is the only interior photo of the home that I could find. It is of the living room that you see on the left as you enter the home. It is across the hall from the home's library.

A birds eye view of the Ford Buildings and the beautiful grounds

This is one of many chapels on campus. It is called Frost Chapel. This is where my parents were married.

This is the Berry family's mountain home called the House of Dreams. I hope you enjoyed this rant. Berry is a special place. If you are ever in Rome, GA it is worth your while to stop and take a tour. Oak Hill and the Martha Berry Museum are opened most days.